Feeling in a contemplative mood, I decided to listen to some old sermons from All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church in Washington, DC (to learn a little about this church's unique place in American history, click here). This sermon was written by Reverend Hardies, and presented at All Souls on Sunday, December 2, 2007.

Loving Over the Years (click for audio): Learning to love for the long haul is a spiritual discipline. How do we do it? What are its rewards? (for a transcript, click here)

I love the poem that the Reverend uses to open the service, the way it highlights the the spaces between the marriage milestones (the journey over the destination, if you will). Adam and I have talked a lot lately about those spaces in between, when you go through the motions of living and learning and loving and struggling, especially as we try to plan a wedding and prepare for a marriage. This is a time when we have to remind ourselves to take a step back and enjoy the process, because we only get to lay this foundation once. Meanwhile, our day to day wedding planning lives have been consumed by the minor tragedy of soon-to-be-expired gourmet potato chips bought in bulk (yea, I know) and the enormity of writing our commitment vows.

In any case, if you are so inclined I hope you'll check out the sermon and share your thoughts.

This post is just to pass on some interesting reading... Adam and I have begun discussing our wedding ceremony and the traditions we want to incorporate and those we want to leave aside (more posts and explanations forthcoming). It's made for good conversation and an interesting glance through history -- for a great feminist take on the historical origins of some of the most popular wedding traditions, click here. As far as the traditions discussed in that article, here is a preview of our take on 'em:

1. White Wedding Dress: My dress is in the "white" family...
2. Giving Away the Bride: Keeping it. Frankly, I don't want to walk the aisle alone, and I like my dad.
3. Wedding Party: Yep. But they get to ward off evil spirits while wearing their own clothes.
4. Garter and Bouquet Toss: Running away screaming from this one.
5. Something Old, Something New: This is sweet ~ keeping it. There is some debate about what constitutes "old," however.
   
6. Wedding Cake Smash: I'll spare you the mystery -- no way is Adam ruining my makeup with baked goods. We're not cutting any cupcakes either, per Adam's request.
7. Eating Leftover Wedding Cake: Not happening, despite what you may suspect based on our fridge. Here is the life cycle of food in our home: first week, edible; second week, eaten if it was really amazingly good during the first week and still passes the smell test; third-fifteenth weeks, not touched until the next time one of us folds and actually tosses the offending food item into the trash. I see no reason to subject one of our wedding cupcakes to that.
8. Throwing Rice: Keeping it? I suppose this is something left to be planned. Birdseed, maybe? Does one do this after the ceremony, or after the reception? Seems pretty pointless to toss birdseed in the dark -- by that measure, it would be better to toss live mice for the owls, and I just don't want to go there.
   

I am reminded of Master Yoda...

But where to go for a honeymoon? Perhaps Europe, as Adam has never been? We have about six days -- where is a great, accessible place to go in that time period?

"Laugh. Laugh loud. Laugh often. Laugh with each other. Sometimes laugh 'at' each other. Remember how good it makes your heart feel just because he loves you!!" Toni

"Give a lot, laugh a lot, love a lot. My advice is to forgive if the other does something that is not what you would do. Men think and do different than women -- totally opposite -- find out who he really is! Have lots of fun sex, be creative. Pray together, love each other." Bonnie

"Compromise, compromise, compromise. Do not always think your way is the only way. Men rarely read directions, but the longer you've been together the more they realize they should have!!" Tracy

"Relax on your wedding day. Everyone will worry for you and make sure it goes smoothly. Always kiss each other when you go to bed at night, even if you're fighting. Sometimes you have to lead him, but while making him think he's leading. Most men can't multitask, so don't get mad if he forgets something you asked of him." Darla

"Remember to fulfill at least one of your husband's fantasies every two years." Nancy

"1. Be aware that you two are not joined at the hip. You each need your own space. 2. No jealousy ever. Trust is a must. 3. Respect his privacy as he should respect yours." Gramma Nita

"Don't contradict your husband." Dad

"Try and remember what first made you fall in love and when things get tough you may find there are times when you may not like each other but you will always love each other. Agree to disagree and move on. Don't go to bed mad. Hugs and kisses are the best!" Pam

"Put out!" Jon (my brother)

"Say 'love you' often. Hug and kiss every day. Tell him thank you whenever he does something for you."

"Think before you speak. Don't start a sentence 'you did this, you did that.' Say, 'I feel,' not 'you.' Treat him the way you would want to be treated." Cheri

"Never end the day mad at each other. Don't go to bed mad. After all, will it matter ten days or years from now?" Barb

"Always appreciate you. Be quick to forgive. Gratitude. Go for long strolls by yourself... Hug often... he feels good. Say thank you. Be comfortable." Linda

"Always tell him you love him when he leaves in the morning and when you go to bed at night. You never know if it will be the last time you see each other. Remember, you can never change a person. They'll always be the way they are." Pat

"Tom and I have found that being best friends is truly the way. Remaining best friends means communication, trust and honesty! Love never fails! Love is patient, kind, it does not envy or boast!" Sarah

"Play nice." Judy

"Look beyond." Janie

"Work as a team." Michele

"Call your father for good advice -- no matter what Toni says." Dad

"You must leave your kids with grandma and go on short vacations --only the two of you-- twice a year!" Mom

Just wanted to share some pictures from my terrific bridal shower this weekend. My stepmother Toni put the event together with her girlfriends, and they did a remarkable job. It went so far beyond my wildest expectations, and I had a really wonderful time. I laughed, I cried, I ate a lot of carbohydrates -- all in all, I felt really blessed.

This is me after I got my hair and makeup did -- Toni kicked me out of the house and sent me to her beauty shop so I wouldn't be in the way while she set everything up (and so it would all remain a surprise).

Before the party, my dad and Adam were challenged to fill out a questionnaire to show how well they knew me... My brother Jon stood in for Adam and read his answers aloud. Turns out that Adam and my father were tied, and they only got half the questions right! Most horrifying right answer: farting, because it reverberated. Neither my dad nor Adam got that one right... (I'll leave you to imagine the question.)

The bridal shower, from my father and brother's perspective... Guests received their lemon-drop martinis in souvenir glasses with their names and yellow roses hand-painted on them. Each martini glass was unique and gorgeous, and made for beautiful (and practical!) favors.

The amazing loot. I had let it drop that I dreamed of starting a collection of mismatched cobalt and white china, and Toni ran with that as a theme of the party. Each guest scoured garage sales and antique shops to contribute a dish. We're writing their names on the back of them, so I will always know who gave me the plate and when. What a beautiful idea, and what a happy memory!

The heroes of the evening.... My father Gregg, and my talented stepmother Toni. (Forgive my dad's grin -- he can't help but make that face when a camera is trained on him.)

Click here to see my brother's pictures from the day.

It's wedding season, and the New York Times is doing their part by reporting on the latest wedding trend, the down-home wedding (Could this really be considered new? It seems too common to even be retro -- witness receptions that are being held and have been held in living rooms and church basements across the country, for as long as this country has been around). The gist of the article is that people like comfort food and homey environments, and they're willing to pay a pretty penny for it.

But authenticity, it seems, comes at a price.

Does this mean that people who don't get married outside and who serve haute cuisine are having inauthentic weddings? I thought the whole point of a wedding (the celebration, not the act of marrying) was to have a social event that reflects the tastes and interests of the bride and groom, their family, and their friends. Or am I naive? Why is the Times even documenting the elaborate stagecraft that some couples are manufacturing to appear of simple means and desires? Why not write about the very clever things couples are doing to fight against the Wedding Industrial Complex and live within their means?

I found the article pretty irritating, not least of which because we're working on having an unfussy wedding, with good food and a relaxed atmosphere---because that's a reflection of who we are and what we like. For the record, while it is possible to do faux casual and spend a fortune, our wedding budget is more Hyundai than Land Rover and I'm happy about that. And yes, I'm sure our wedding will be "authentic" and lovely.

No pressure... Eek!

One of the things that is really important to me is having the opportunity to spend time with our family and friends over the wedding weekend. For that reason, we're planning a series of optional weekend events that should allow people to hang out, get to know each other, and enjoy the area. One of the major weekend events is the Saturday afternoon barbecue/picnic. Originally we had planned for the barbecue to take place at Cunningham Falls State Park, since it's pretty and there's a nice hike up to the falls that some could attempt while others were cooking or playing games by the lake. Unfortunately, there weren't any covered pavilions of the appropriate size, and we didn't want to chance an uncovered picnic site (even if October is the driest month of the year).

Adam did a lot of research on county and state parks in the area, and made a list of four finalists. We decided to make a date of it, and drove out to Frederick to check them out. It was a beautiful summer day, sunny and lush. The parks were spread out across Frederick County, and we drove through miles of farm land and suburban sprawl. We eliminated the first three parks that we checked out because they seemed pretty blah -- soccer fields and a pavilion, and not a whole lot else. The fourth and final park we visited, Pinecliff Park, thankfully turned out to be a winner. It's pretty, and each pavilion offers horseshoe pits and a variety of other recreation options like playgrounds or volleyball nets. There's even a short nature trail, and fishing in the river (no swimming, alas). In the winter, at one end of the park there's a swampy area that apparently converts to a skating pond and on the other there's a steep hill that is an established sledding run (how cool is that?). While the mosquitoes were a nightmare next to swamp, I did spot a new bird for my life list -- two green herons were there gobbling minnows. Never fear, we chose a pavilion away from the swamp and mosquitoes.

I think it will be an ideal spot for a Saturday picnic. Our site is actually right on the Monocacy river, so I'm debating (read: trying to persuade others to go along with...) renting canoes for an optional mid-afternoon canoe ride ending at our picnic site. This may be a planning nightmare, however, so I'm a little worried it won't work out (though this might be for the best if I am to have any prayer of maintaining a manicure...).

P.S. Click on the pic if you'd like to learn how to make your own portable picnic case...